The best thing is going no contact, but even if you cut off contact you may continue to feel tormented mentally and emotionally. Your narcissistic mother will never change, but you can neutralize the power she has on you.
The focus must be on taking back control of your life. If you are mentally free, your narcissistic mother will lose all the power she has on you. So, you can start taking back your power, and stop giving your power away to her.
You can start by processing your experience, informing yourself about narcissistic abuse by reading books, but surely a professional help is required.
I suggest you some tips to start gaining emotional freedom and detach from your narcissistic mother.
Don’t let your emotions run your life. Emotions may be important for healing and living life, but if you focus too much on your feelings when dealing with the narcissist, then you will be in trouble. Most of your feelings from the interactions with narcissists are false. They’re not real feelings and they come out of the relationship system. They are activated inside you to keep you subservient to the narcissist but that should not be.
Analyze your feelings. Ask you if you are feeling a false or appropriate response to the situation. For example, if you’ve just said “I will not be attending the family gathering this week” and you feel intense guilt, this feeling is probably false and is created by a relationship you have with your family. No adult needs to feel guilt over choosing to do something they would like to do or not like to do. They’re false feelings because they come out of the interactional pattern with your family.
Make yourself safe and secure through your own efforts and friendship of your own choosing. If you are financially dependent on your narcissistic mother, work to break that financial dependency.
Change whatever you need to do to begin to build a support group for you, so you’re not just totally dependent on unhealthy family members.
Stop negative thinking from playing over and over again in your head.
Get a reality check from healthy friends, support groups, coaches, therapists, and other professionals.
Begin to live a life of abstinence from the love and approval from your narcissistic mother and toxic family members. Go slow, it takes a strong emotional backbone and the ability to not care so much about love and approval of others to change us within a relationship.
This is very important because we’ve kind of been addicted to this love and approval though we’ve never gotten it. You are still addicted to trying to get it and so you might face the temptation of coming back your fix.
Work on self-approval, self-love, and self-care and use your healthy support group as positive reinforcement. They don’t need anything from you and don’t require obedience or loyalty as the narcissist does. They won’t abuse you like the narcissist does and if you mess up or you don’t do what they say they won’t reject you like unhealthy families.
