Many adult children are addicted to the idea of finally earning their mother’s love. Even though she’s never given you unconditional approval, you keep trying. This need can make you vulnerable to manipulation because you’re always chasing something that isn’t there.

It takes time and deliberate effort to stop seeking her approval. Think of it like breaking any addiction: it’s uncomfortable at first. You might feel the urge to call her just to hear something nice, only to feel worse afterward. Instead, start focusing on your own needs. Celebrate your accomplishments, no matter how small. Learn to enjoy your own company. Spend time with people who appreciate you for who you are, not for what you can do for them.

Building self-approval means treating yourself with the kindness and respect you didn’t get growing up. It also means accepting that your mother will never change. As painful as that is, it frees you to move forward.