Many adult children are addicted to the idea of finally earning their mother’s love. Even though she’s never given you unconditional approval, you keep trying. This need can make you vulnerable to manipulation because you’re always chasing something that isn’t there.

It takes time and deliberate effort to stop seeking her approval. Think of it like breaking any addiction: it’s uncomfortable at first. You might feel the urge to call her just to hear something nice, only to feel worse afterward....

If you’ve ever caught yourself thinking, “If I don’t do what she wants, she’ll get sick,” or “Maybe I’m the crazy one,” you’re not alone. Narcissistic parents plant these seeds of self-doubt. Over time, these thoughts loop in your mind, making you anxious and keeping you tied to them.

One way to stop this cycle is to challenge these thoughts. When you hear that inner voice telling you something terrible will happen, pause and ask, “Is that true?” Talk to a friend you trust or a support group....

When you grow up with a narcissistic mother, your feelings often get tangled with her demands. Guilt and shame are tools to control you. But are those feelings even yours? One way to find out is to pause and ask yourself if what you’re feeling makes sense. For example, you might decide not to attend a family gathering and immediately feel crushing guilt. But why should an adult feel guilty for choosing how to spend their time?

False feelings are triggered by old patterns rather than by reality...